Anger & Sorrow: Life's Trickles of Reminders

A few months following my return to Dallas, I was invited to a women’s fellowship social gathering at one of the lady's homes. Without hesitation, I accepted, eager to once again plug into a network of welcoming new friends that could help me mentally connect to my new home in my former city.

The day arrived, and it was a beautiful warm autumn Saturday. Over morning coffee, I Googled the address, then suddenly found myself somewhat hesitating. Hmmm, that address appears to be near my old home. I had resolved this part of my life as past. Regardless of the coincidence, I pushed forward as I prepared croissants and jelly for the morning brunch to come.

And then later that morning as Google directed my path, I found myself driving to the threshold of that past as I slowly turned into the same beautiful development that our family had once called our home. Now revisiting so many years later, I soaked in the mature landscape of meticulously manicured yards draping the golf course as I drove toward my final destination. Returning to this place began to trigger an intense sorrow that threatened to replace my excitement at taking a bold step toward new friendships as I thought, What were the chances that this first social outing would bring me back to a place of such personal history?

I coasted up to the home, the street now lined with cars. I then sat parked trying to resist the temptation to return home as I wrestled with mixed emotions. I thought, Should I actually go inside? My guard weakened as I stepped out of the car. I then entered the doorway of this potential new friend’s home, admiring the lifestyle and comforts my family also had once known, and it stung. I then revisited those painful questions surrounding, Why me? Why was my life taken from me so unjustly?

I greeted the host. “Your home is beautiful. How long have you lived here?”

At that moment, I immediately feared her answer and regretted my question. I thought, Does she remember me and our family’s scandal? Were we neighbors during my husband’s exposure? 

Once again, I felt past shame as it attempted to brand me, and I wanted to hide from recognition. Then as tears of overwhelm began to surface, I excused myself to the powder room.

The Lesson

That day revealed a valuable lesson regarding healing’s adverse reaction to the trickling reminders of past trauma. While trauma changes us forever and inflicts permanent reminders, our resolution to painful memories voids its ability to negatively control our future.

After stepping away to momentarily revisit and grieve past pains, I intentionally turned away from regret and shame and returned to socialize with the group. I was cognizant of triggers to my past trauma, thereby releasing me to resist those idol, unexpected temptations to isolate or cry from its hurt. I leaned into my feelings of sorrow, and instead of running away from trauma’s reminders, I outcast its threat by enjoying an afternoon in a beautiful setting with a wonderful group of new friends. Following the brunch, I confronted sad feelings by touring the neighborhood and relishing those fond memories where I also previously enjoyed marriage, neighborhood friendships, and the raising of kids alongside other moms and dads in the same stage of life.

It was okay to be angry at my family's life lost, selfishly snatched away by the hunger of another’s addiction. These memories often unexpectedly surface during holidays, special occasions, and even new beginnings. Anger is biblical by Jesus’ example as an intense God-given emotion. However, resolution to that anger is a step toward letting go and is a choice of redemption from the pain that threatens to anchor one’s future and cement it to the past, leaving one frozen in time.

The release of sorrow and anger allows God to penetrate our vulnerability with His healing and strength so that when we are faced with the tests of painful memories, we are foundationally whole to recognize that the rear view mirror of our past is much smaller than the vision of opportunity that awaits us when we look forward driving toward our future.

Verse of Reflection

Isaiah 30:15 – In repentance and rest is your salvation,

in quietness and trust is your strength.